Saturday, January 07, 2006

Letting Go

Tonight I am feeling sad - poignant - oldest son - 25 - has been home with us for 2 and half weeks and is heading back to London, England tomorrow. He loves it there and I'm happy for him but it is such a big ocean between us.

We've had a lovely time over the holidays -all five children home. Laughter, food, board games until the wee hours, a lot of funny "remember whens" - a house bursting at the seams with teenagers and 20 somethings.

Is it my age or what? but I keep looking at them and remembering when they were little and it brings me to tears. I miss when they were small and tucked up every night in bed. I loved to go in and pray over them while they slept - such a depth of love and longing that each one would be safe in the Lord - and would love and serve Him with all their hearts.

I miss their little voices - their funny stories - their sweet expressions of love. One little story keeps coming to mind- my middle boy seeing me in my slip with a lacy edge saying with awe "Mommy you're so beautiful"

Maybe that's it...although I am indescribably proud of the wonderful young men and woman that my children are becoming I miss being at the center of their world...

They have been the center of my world for so long.

What a gift to be a mother. We carry them in our bodies for nine months - protecting them as they grow and develop - bring them into the world in pain and tears but with such joy - tenderly feed them from our own bodies nestled close to our hearts. Who can ever forget those sweet, little faces - the tiny hand touching our cheek - the sweet little milky grins? We watch them grow - wipe away their tears - treasure the little love offerings - the dandelions clutched so proudly in the grubby fist - the crayon drawings on the fridge - the school reports - the hockey trophies - the music festival ribbons.

We agonize with them in their disappointments - the hurts.

And we pray - has anything motivated me more to pray than love for these five treasures from the Lord? Nothing... thank You Father.

And then we launch them out into the world.

I see them go so bravely and eagerly

and though they go I am still holding them - right in my heart - always.

I have only one prayer - that He who gave them to me will be the center of their lives.

" I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

I have been so happy being the mother of these children and it feels so hard to let them go - though I will - even smiling through these tears. I'm not the center any longer and I really don't want to be. This is as it should be.

just tonight it feels hard...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Island Loveliness

This is a beach near my home. I often go down to watch the sunset. A beautiful place to think and pray. My bfpp took this shot - she's a talented photographer.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Isaiah 35

Joy of the Redeemed

The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;

it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God.

Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;

say to those with fearful hearts,
"Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you."

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert.

The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.

No lion will be there,
nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,

and the ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy
will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

When I read this - with all the promise and hope contained - I wonder what else could I ever desire?